Stop forcing conversations, connections, and closeness.
You know the feeling. That heavy, awkward, one-sided pull. You’re the one drafting the long text, carefully choosing words to keep it light but meaningful. You’re the one always initiating the plans, checking in, asking the questions, trying to build a bridge across a chasm that only you seem to see. You’re pouring your energy into a cup with a hole in the bottom, and then wondering why you’re always so thirsty. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? That constant, quiet hum of anxiety, the mental gymnastics of trying to figure out the right combination of words or actions that will finally make them engage, make them choose you, make them *see* the value of what you’re offering.
But here is the truth, the liberating, painful, necessary truth: If it isn’t mutual, let it fade.
Let it go. Stop tugging on the rope. Just drop your end. You cannot single-handedly sustain a connection that requires the energy of two people. A relationship, whether friendship or romance, is a dance. It cannot happen if you are the only one moving. You’re just spinning alone in the middle of the floor.
People always know what they’re choosing, and their effort says everything.
Let that sink in. People are not confused. They are not oblivious. They know exactly what they are prioritizing. In a world of constant notifications and endless demands, everyone’s time and attention are their most valuable currency. Where they spend it is a direct reflection of their interests and priorities. You are not dealing with a lack of clarity on their part; you are dealing with a refusal to accept the evidence on your part. Their silence is an answer. Their delayed replies are an answer. Their vague plans and canceled commitments are an answer. They are showing you, in high-definition clarity, exactly where you stand. Believe them the first time.
If they wanted to show up the way you do, they would.
It’s really that simple. If you were a priority, you would feel like one. If they cherished the connection, you would not be constantly questioning its stability. If they valued your presence in their life, they would fear losing it. They would make the call. They would drive the conversation forward. They would clear the time. They would match your energy, not just absorb it. People are capable of extraordinary effort for the things and people they truly want. You are not asking for too much; you are simply asking the wrong person.
So, what do you do with this knowledge? You don’t get angry. You don’t make a scene. You don’t send a final, dramatic text. You simply… stop.
Start responding to inconsistency with distance.
This is not a game. This is self-preservation. This is aligning your actions with your worth. When someone is hot and cold, when their presence in your life is a sporadic treat they grant you when it’s convenient for them, you stop making yourself available for the crumbs. You stop being the reliable option for when they’re bored. You match their energy. If their effort is low, your availability becomes scarce. You take all that energy you were pouring into them and you pour it back into yourself. You invest in the hobbies that light you up, the friends who light up when *you* text, the work that fulfills you. You become a fortress, not a waiting room.
Let people lose access to you because they didn’t value it.
This is the ultimate consequence. This is where your power lies. You are a privilege. Your time, your attention, your laughter, your wisdom—these are gifts. And if someone does not treat them as such, they forfeit the right to receive them. Let them experience the absence of you. Let the silence you once filled with your effort become audible. Let them realize that the door they thought was always open now has a lock. This isn’t about punishment; it’s about principle. It’s about declaring, through your actions, that you will no longer participate in your own depletion.
You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate. So stop tolerating neglect. Stop rationalizing ambivalence. Your peace is too valuable to be left in the hands of someone who doesn’t know its worth. Let go of the forced connections. Make room for the ones that are easy, that are mutual, that feel like coming home. Your energy is sacred. Guard it. And only share it with those who understand the assignment.
